Sunday, February 20, 2011

Francis Kehrig

Five years ago today we lost my father Francis Kehrig to Cancer. Sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday and sometimes it seems so long ago.

My father and I grew up in very different times and circumstances. Dad remembered when he was a youth his family had difficulty finding 2 cents to send a letter. He left school at 16 to essentially 'make his way' in the big world.  He worked hard, in often times a very physical manner, whether it was clearing bush or driving heavy machinery. He sent money home to his family and he saved his earnings to purchase land and equipment. Eventually he met a nice woman, had some kids and did his best to provide for them so they could have a better life then he himself had.

Growing up I never wanted for anything. I always had a gift under the tree at Christmas.  I was chauffeured to the hockey rink twice a week.  I went to University and wasn't saddled with obscene debt.  I'm barely self-sustaining today at 31 compared to my father at 16.

My father was not the type to heap praise on anyone. He worked hard and expected others to do the same. That was the expectation - working hard was the reward in itself. He never really let on if he was proud of me or disappointed at any given time. I never really knew.  When he was still alive it never bothered me. Now that he is gone, it has become a point of contention for me. Not retro-actively but in my situation and life today.

It is easy to beatify the dead, and I recognize that my father was not perfect but I feel that I have not lived up to himself and his example set. My father was the first to admit that times have changed and he felt that it was much harder for a person to 'establish' themselves today. But it's more than that. I take too much for granted. I am soft. I am spoiled. I indulge too much. I haven't had to sacrifice much and when I do, I complain.

I don't put much stock in the ideas of a Christian (or any other religions) afterlife. My father is alive today through me, my siblings, my mother, and all the people that he affected over the course of his life. When I take stock of his memory, my legacy (and in part his) I recognize that I must change. I'm doing himself and myself a disservice. I don't know the next steps. I don't know how best to determine them. I'll get there, I was taught to learn from my mistakes. I just wish that I had my fathers counsel rather than his example.








5 comments:

Monica said...

Beautifully written, Stu.

Our parents have set a very high standard for self-sacrifice and hard work. I often think along similar lines as you but in reference to Mom (not bring selfless like she was all those years when we were young).

Dad was always very proud of you, Stuie. I don't know if I ever heard him say so out loud but it was clear to me in do many ways - one of which is the fact that he, a major worrier, didn't worry about your future. He had full confidence in you.

Stephanie said...

Yes, this is well written Stuart and what Monica says is true about Dad not worrying about you.

It was good to have dad near in the last few years. I think we all did what we could.

As a worrier myself, I try to let go of worrying about what I cannot control, ie. the past, and future outcomes. This is probably harder without religion and easier when I can keep busy.

Thank you for your thoughtful post. Happy Family Day.

Unknown said...

Very well written - must be the honesty. How could he not be proud of you after last nights game?

Success is measured in different ways. As a friend i can say you are very successful in the friendship column. trust me all the boys back home and all the new ones out here (at least in my office) - think the world of you. Sure the ones in the office love you for your honesty and excessive drinking but the boys back home love you for other reasons (i mean obviously they love you for the same reasons too). You have always been the very heart of our group of friends. I think the boys of 1979 were pretty special and unusually smart - and you were/are their leader. Sure you're not as cool and successful as Randy, but who is? No one, thats who.
As a young parent it is too early for me to have any specific expectations in life for Hazel but i know i would - above all - want her to be happy. Now happy encompasses a lot of branches but the long and the short of it is, you either are or you are not. I hate my job and it is slowly (although these days quickly) killing me and i seldom have any free time to enjoy anything i would have enjoyed in my twenties (booze, drugs, sex, sky diving) i know i am genuinely still happy. Was your dad happy building the world out of steal and brawn or pulling darts out of his head (at least that is the way i remember that story)? Probably not all the time but at the end of the day, probably. And that is probably all he would ask of you.

Stu Kehrig said...

Thanks to all for taking the time to comment and the kind sentiments.

Unknown said...

That's a very nice post Stuart. I quite appreciate that you share intimate stories along with your random adventures. I'm interested to see where you take things from here.

Oh, and apparently our families had exactly the same coffee cups. Awesome.