Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Las Vegas

Last week I was in Las Vegas taking a course for work. I learned a lot in the course and got to hang out with a work colleague for a few days in the 15 degree weather.  Some pictures and a story of excess below.

 A Christmas tree made of light bulbs.
 The extravagance of the Wynn. 
 All the rooms at Planet Hollywood (where I was staying) have memorabilia from movies in them. I had the "Jingle all the Way" Room.
Hanging on Fremont Street. 

For me the highlight of the trip was my visit to the Heart Attack Grill. On my last day in Vegas with a full amount of fun and learning behind me I convinced my work compatriot Kelly that a trip to this burger joint was absolutely necessary. I had learned of it a few years back on a TV show where it was being vilified for  that was bad in America as they fully embrace gluttony and all the vices that kill. On the day I saw that show, I pledged that I would someday enjoy a burger there.

At the end of Fremont Street we were pleasantly greeted with their large sign promoting that anyone over the weight of 350pounds eats for free. Seriously, check out that link above to their menu - its all burgers, fries, beer, milkshakes and unfiltered cigarettes. Awesome.
Upon entering, our greeter inquired if we preferred to sit at the bar with a doctor or a table with a nurse. We of course chose the nurse and were admitted into the restaurant with our own hospital gown. Our lovely nurse greeted us and took our beer orders. We never even thought to check but all beers sold were 24 fluid ounce cans - Sweet! Take one look below and tell me you are not in love....
Before ordering, I thought it best to get a checkup so I went and tested my blood pressure. It was a little higher than normal but far off the 'Hall of Fame' members who's numbers were more than double mine. 
Kelly ordered himself a single bypass burger and a side of fries cooked in pure lard. As you can see it looks pretty stellar.
I was feeling a bit more confident and went for the Quadruple Bypass Burger with cheese and onions. 
My burger had 4 patties (2 pounds of beef), 10 slices of cheese, a full tomato, and a full onion. 
I tried sizing up the burger from many angles to figure out best how to eat it. I eventually decided to leave the stick in and compress the burger as best I could. I held onto the bottom section of the bun and attacked it from the side.
Pure ecstasy on my face on my journey to consuming 6000 calories.
Halfway through the burger the nurse came and checked up on me. I was starting to have some difficulty, and had this conversation with her:

Stu: I think adding the onions might have been a mistake.
Nurse: Yeah, there is a full onion on that burger.
Stu: Who the fuck thinks eating a full onion is a good idea? (Me first knowing the full extent of the onion) 
Nurse: Who the hell thinks eating 2 pounds of beef is a good idea?
Stu: I still think the fucking onion might be my only mistake.....

Eventually I got through it all and finished off the burger with my piercing stick.
As the diner was a little slow Kelly and I talked with the waitress for awhile. The big surprise was that she was a vegetarian! I asked if it was some ethical thing but she said no; "You eat them, and I will wear them".
When we recieved the bill we joked about how the company accountant will get a kick out of the bypass burgers on the reciept. Our nurse replied; "That's nothing, we can add a couple spankings on there for a dollar each. We won't charge you for them but your accounts payable will appreciate it". Our bill ended up including 5 spankings....
Also - I just want to point out that my massive burger costed a grand total of $14.

Bonus food story/picture - In honor of Elvis I ordered a grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwich with banana. For a side on this classic I got Mac and Cheese with grated Doritos sprinkles. The sandwich was great, the Mac and Cheese...not so much.

After this last trip I think I am done with Vegas for awhile. I like it there, but don't really gamble and I don't have money to burn. Maybe after a few months of winter I will change my mind.
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